


what are you waiting for (someone could love you more)

by louchanan



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Louis, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Famous Harry, Famous Louis, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Smut, Top Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 13:48:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5588290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louchanan/pseuds/louchanan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is a famous singer with a lot of buried demons. His demons are dug out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what are you waiting for (someone could love you more)

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiii. Hope you're having a lovely day ! This story is kind of personal to me in a way so I hope you enjoy it. Please make sure you go over the tags because this fic could be a bit triggering at times and I want you to be safe. x 
> 
> Also, Zayn is a very sex positive asexual so I'm sorry for my ace friends who are looking for a sex repulsed or celibate asexual character. I will try to fit that in another story, promise! x
> 
> Anyway, enjoy !
> 
> The title is from Lost Boy by Troye Sivan. 
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr](http://www.louchanan.tumblr.com/)

Louis drowns out the loud hum of the music coming from the stage until he can shut his eyes and feel his head fill with silence. He fixes the way he’s laying on the black leather couch and crosses his arms over his chest. He figures he could catch a quick nap before he has to go on. Zayn will wake him up before their set, he’s sure.

 

He swats the cup of beer Zayn is pouring on his chest. It hits the coffee table and floor with a splash. “Wanker,” Louis hisses as he sits up, feeling the beer trickle down to his jeans. “Are we up yet?”

 

“Fifteen minutes, babe,” Zayn says as he kicks the broken cup aside and takes a seat next to Louis. He wraps an arm around his shoulders. “How are you feeling?”

 

“I was feeling splendid and now I’m sticky,” Louis replies as he shoves Zayn away.

 

“Was that before or after the beer?” Zayn adds with a wink before placing his heels on a dry corner of the coffee table. “No, but how are you really feeling? Nervous? Excited?”

 

“You know I don’t get nervous over shows,” Louis presses the side of his palm against the rustic coffee table and swishes the spilled beer towards Zayn’s shoes. Zayn notices and quickly sits up, feet planted on the floor. “It’s just another show with a few more people.”

 

“Three hundred more,” Zayn reminds him. Louis shrugs.

 

“Once I got used to playing for five hundred people, any number above that doesn’t really faze me,” Louis explains. “Anyway… Do you want me to get you another beer?”

 

Louis rests his arms on the bar countertop as he waits for his two pints. He looks down the bar and sees about ten other people, waiting, drinking, or chatting to the person next to them. The guy closest to Louis looks at him through the corner of his eye and smiles bashfully at the marble counter. Louis raises an eyebrow and keeps his eyes mostly to himself, stealing quick glances at the boy next to him. Because,yeah, he _is_ kind of cute.

 

He decides that before he leaves with his beers, he should say something. But blushy boy is beating him to it. “Hey, you’re the lead singer of La Petite Mort, yeah?” He asks, a gentle finger pointing at Louis’s chest. Louis beams and nods. “Cool, cool. I like your music a lot. I’m Harry.”

 

Louis takes his extended hand and shakes it. “Louis,” He says. “Are you just an attendee or are you playing too?”

 

“Oh, yeah. I’m playing. My band’s called Musical Beds,” Harry replies, making his two hands into guns. Louis chuckles and nods with amusement just as his two pints are slid towards him.

 

“I’ll stay around and cheer for you then,” Louis says cooly as he picks up his beers. “I have to go now. It was nice meeting you, Harry of Musical Beds.”

 

“You too, Louis of La Petite Mort,” Harry follows. Louis gives him another smile before turning around and making his way backstage again.

 

He finds Zayn talking to a cute boy.

 

He places their pints on the coffee table and smiles when they both turn to look at him. “Hey, Louis! This is Liam. He’s playing after us,” Zayn introduces them. Louis leans over the table to shake his hand. “What band are you in again, Liam?”

 

“Musical Beds,” He answers with a smile.

 

“Oh, nice. I just met Harry,” Louis says as he picks up his beer and starts to drink.

 

Their cups empty quickly and Liam is still talking to Zayn about guitars and music and other stuff Louis really isn’t paying attention to. He speaks up, “How much time until we go on, Z?”

 

“A minute,” Zayn says as he stands up. “Shit. We should be going. It was nice talking to you Liam.”

 

“Have a good show  _inshallah_ ,” Liam adds before they walk onto the stage. Louis watches as time stops for Zayn and Liam in that moment. And he can’t see Zayn’s smile from behind him, but he knows it’s there, he can feel it.

 

“Thank you,” Zayn replies before continuing to follow Louis. He stops walking to let Zayn come beside him and brings an arm around his body.

 

“Is he the one? Do you want him inside of you?”

 

Zayn laughs and playfully slaps Louis until he backs away. “Shut up,” he says. “You know I don’t like that. He could be the cutest boy ever and I still don’t want it.”

 

“Yeah, I know. Just taking the piss. Sorry, bro,” Louis replies before opening his arms for Zayn. He smiles when Zayn accepts his embrace. “Love you.”

 

“Love you too.”

 

They find the rest of their band and quickly set up, hearing the crowd cheering as they do. Louis checks in on their drummer and bassist before plugging in his guitar, gently plucking a string to hear the volume. When the note dies out, Louis notices that the crowd has quieted down. He smiles and taps his mic. “Hope you lot aren’t bored of us already,” Louis says. Zayn starts shredding his guitar, tongue poking out from his lips. The audience goes crazy for the familiar guitar riff. “Good. Good. We’re La Petite Mort and boy, do we have a show for you tonight!”

 

***

**2 Years Later**

  


“I will never get used to these things. I feel like a twat,” Louis says as he and Zayn step out of the car, getting momentarily blinded by the flash of cameras.

 

“You are a twat if you haven’t noticed,” Zayn chuckles as they follow their assigned publicist to the carpet, red and dirty. “Anyway, what do you think our chances at winning are?”

 

“Unless another band beats us both, I say up against Musical Beds, we’re fifty-fifty,” Louis replies. “Just gonna have to wait and see. If they win though, I’m crashing and ruining their celebration party. And you’re joining me.”

 

“Course, I am,” Zayn mumbles as they stop for a moment, posing for the cameras. They both ignore the paparazzi and journalists shouting for their attention, begging for an interview or a look in their direction. They continue walking down the red carpet. “I think we’re gonna win though. I just have this feeling.”

 

“Well, let’s hope you’re right about that,” Louis sighs as they’re stopped again. Louis’s attention is caught by the press calling out Harry’s and Liam’s name. He pulls on a tight-lipped smile before he and Zayn are guided further down the carpet. “Do you think Styles has natural curls? Or are they lies?”

 

“Shut the fuck up,” Zayn laughs, pushing Louis along.

 

They're interviewed by a nice lady, but Louis's not sure how genuine her kindness is. Having been properly famous for a good year and a half now, he's always suspicious of people now. He'll never be anything but real with people and he only wishes for the same treatment.

She giggles at something Zayn's said before turning her attention to Louis. “So what about you? How do you feel about being up against Musical Beds? You and Harry Styles are known to be mortal enemies,” She says before pointing her microphone to Louis.

 

“Don't know about mortal. He's probably an alien or summat, have you seen that hair? Full of secrets,” Louis answers with a chuckle. Zayn pinches him and Louis smacks him. “Anyway. I like our chances.” He shrugs.

 

“Alright, well, nice speaking to you,” she goes in for a hug. Louis wraps an arm around her and kisses her cheek and then Zayn follows suit.

They take their seats and immediately Louis starts to fidget. “You alright? Need a beer?” Zayn asks as his hand goes to squeeze Louis's thigh. “How are you feeling, Lou?”

 

“Good. I just really, really want to win,” Louis admits. Zayn nods, concerned look leaving his face slowly. Months ago, Louis taught himself not to be bothered by the worried mother look Zayn gives him.

 

Louis looks around the arena and catches the eyes of the one and only, Harry Styles. He's sitting in the section next to them, only a few rows back. His long hair is swept to one side and the center of his chest is on display. His eyes are green and full of mischief. Lips pink and plump. Louis hates him.

 

He sees Liam sat next to Harry and watches him wave in his direction. He turns around to see Zayn waving back. Louis rolls his eyes before whispering, “I’m going to the toilet.”

 

“Want me to come with?”

 

“No.”

 

“Louis.”

 

“I’m not- I'll be fine. I just need to piss, Zayn,” Louis huffs before standing up. He loves Zayn but he wishes he had more faith in him. He feels Zayn's and Harry's eyes on him.

 

He startles as he tucks himself back into his pants at the tall figure entering the bathroom. “What do you want?” He asks as he walks over to the sink.

 

“To piss. We're in a toilet, in case you've forgotten,” Harry quips. Louis rolls his eyes as he grabs a paper towel and dries his hands. He turns around and tosses the balled up paper in the bin. Before he can get a proper look at Harry's face, he's coming at him. Harry's body presses up against his and his hands caress his face tenderly, eyes soft but lined with worry. “You good?”

 

And it's different with Harry. Zayn is his brother, he's likely to get annoyed by him caring so much. But Harry, Harry makes him come apart. He's putty in his hands. “I’m fine,” Louis finally gets out after a long pause.

 

“Clean?”

 

“Yeah. Promise,” Louis replies. Harry nods before wrapping his arms around Louis, face nuzzled in his neck. He reels back enough to kiss Louis, gentle and warm. Louis feels his previous jitters eradicated. Harry pulls away. “Okay, now let go of me before someone else comes in.”

 

Harry draws his arms back and Louis makes his way for the door. “Hey, Louis?” He stops and turns to Harry. “I hope you win.”

 

“No, you don’t,” Louis replies with a smirk before exiting.

 

Louis's ready to chew on Zayn's nails because his have already been thoroughly bitten from the other award they won. He's internalizing all that he feels, not wanting the cameras to get any of it. All he wants is for Kesha to say La Petite Mort. Zayn takes his hand and holds tight as she begins with, “And the award for Best New Artist goes to…,” Louis feels his heart beating in his throat, “Musical Beds.”

 

He deflates. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Louis groans. He turns to Zayn and sees him sporting a soft smile. He follows his eyes and realizes he's watching Harry and Liam hugging. Traitor.

 

Harry and Liam make their way down. He swears that Harry turns his head just to show off his smirk. He halfheartedly claps for them.

 

Harry and Liam hug the celebrity award presenters before stepping up to the mic, chrome figure in Liam's hand. “First, we'd like to thank our fans, whether you followed us from when we did bar gigs or just found out about us thirty minutes ago,” Liam starts. He goes down a list of people they're grateful for, friends, family, management, label. He steps back to let Harry go.

 

“Also, I'd like to dedicate this award to La Petite Mort,” Harry adds. “This is for you, Louis.” He give a cheeky wink then leaves the stage with Liam, music blaring as they head back.

 

“What a fucking shitbag,” Louis says as Harry and Liam go backstage. “I'm going to fight him.”

 

After the show, they have a quick press stop. “How does it feel losing to Musical Beds?“ is the third question.

 

“It's fine. We're just gonna have to snag every award we're in the same category in now,” Louis answers with a laugh. “And we're gonna crash their celebration anyway.”

 

“What did you think about Harry Styles dedicating the award to your band? More specifically you?”

 

“He better watch out is all. Thank you,” Louis chuckles before he walks away, Zayn following. “I hate him and we're leaving. Have you figured out where they're partying?”

 

“Louis, we don't have to figure it out. We were invited, you know,” Zayn replies as he pulls out his phone.

 

“Okay, yeah, but I at least want to _pretend_ like I'm crashing it,” Louis whines petulantly as he swings open the car door and slides into the backseat. Zayn chuckles behind him before telling the driver where to go. Louis sighs and sits back, resting his body. His phone decides to vibrate.

 

**Hung-y Styles:**

**Told the security guards to scratch you off the list so you can “crash” the party. x**

 

“Fuck off,” Louis mutters to himself, fighting the smile trying to creep on his face.

 

**Tomlinbum:**

**Yes, talk dirty to me. Love your sexts. What are you wearing?**

 

He puts his phone back in his pocket and doesn’t do much until they arrive at _The Nice Guy_. The door is opened for them and Zayn steps out first, taking the initial wave of flashes by himself. Louis exits and puts a hand in front of his eyes to block out most of the bright lights.

 

They’re guided to the sectioned off area of the club and find about thirty people mingling, drinks in hand. He’s about to say Hi and congratulate Ed Sheeran on his wins but he’s stopped by a large hand on his bicep. “Hope you didn’t have too much trouble getting in,” Harry says just loud enough for Louis to hear. Louis spins on his toes to face him.

 

“Nope. Turns out the guards don’t even like you,” Louis replies. “Made a quick jab at your hair, had them in stitches.”

 

“Why are you so against my hair?” Harry asks, insulted but the mirth in his eyes give him away. “Thought you liked to play with it, pull on it.”

 

“I don’t,” Louis says. “I’m trying to speed up your balding.” With that, he steals the drink out of Harry’s hand and walks away to find Zayn. Unsurprisingly, he’s leaning against a booth, arms crossed over his chest, and talking to Liam. They’ve really become pals, those two. Louis stopped bothering Zayn about getting with him after two months because if Zayn liked him enough, he’d already have Liam. “Hi, Liam. I like you so congrats on the win,” Louis says as he goes in for a handshake.

 

Liam chuckles, “Thanks, Lou. Good job on your win too.”

 

“Thanks. Anyway, Zayn, I’m back to the hotel. Not really feeling it,” Louis informs him. Zayn nods. He’d be more attentive and suspicious if he wasn’t so entranced by Liam. God bless Liam. “Alright, see you lads soon,” He squeezes their shoulders and then starts for the exit.

 

“Does he still not know?” Liam asks as he sips his water. He stopped drinking alcohol a year ago, and it’s helped him shed some weight so he never got back into it. Zayn nods before picking up his own glass of water off the table. Liam snickers and they both clink their glasses together lamely. “I thought Harry would’ve figured it out but no.” Liam looks around. “Where is Harry?”

 

“Probably the toilet,” Zayn guesses. Liam nods.

 

“God, I’m so glad I’m getting fucked by a winner,” Louis pants as he rises and falls on Harry’s cock at a steady pace. “I wouldn’t have looked your way if you lost to me.”

 

Harry grunts as he grabs Louis’s hips and rocks him back and forth. Louis moans loudly and tilts his head back, his entire body arching so that he has to plant his hands behind him. “You know damn well we’d be doing this regardless of who won. Can’t get enough of me.”

 

Louis whips himself forward and kisses Harry’s lips. “Stop talking. Focus on fucking me please,” He says breathlessly as he straightens his back and continues to bounce.

 

“I’m multitasking,” Harry replies as he bucks his hips upwards. “And all you’ve done tonight is talk. It’s my turn.”

 

“Not if you want to keep the privilege of sticking your dick in my ass,” Louis snaps as he drags Harry’s hands from his hips to his ass. Harry’s natural reflex is to squeeze it. “This is the only ass you want, yeah?” Harry nods, jaw going a bit slack. “Treat it good then.”

 

Harry growls low in his throat as he flips them around and begins to thrust deep into Louis at an unforgiving speed, his knees against his chest. Louis presses his hand on the headboard to keep himself from hitting his head on it. His other hand, shaking with Harry’s movements, comes to his hair and pulls him in for a sloppy kiss, teeth knocking against each other.

 

“Right there, right there, Harry. Oh, _fuck_ ,” Louis whines as he arches his body. He doesn’t relent, even when Louis’s body is overwhelmed and involuntarily trying to get away, he holds him in place. Louis releases a string of fuck’s from his mouth as he’s quickly enveloped by a warm feeling, Harry buries himself deep inside of his heat and hits his prostate one last time. He shoots white all over his and Harry’s chest with a shout. Harry bites down on Louis’s shoulder to stifle his own noise.

 

Their chests meet each other with every deep breath as they try to lower their heart rates. Harry kisses Louis’s collarbone and chuckles against his skin as he finally pulls out, “La petite mort.”

 

“Shut up,” Louis groans as he shoves Harry off of him and rolls onto his side. Harry disposes of his condom, tossing it into the bedside bin, turns out the light and wraps his arm around Louis’s waist. “You’re the worst.”

 

“I know,” Harry mumbles as he kisses Louis’s nape. “And my cock is my only redeemable quality.”

 

“That’s right,” Louis says, very pleased that he is aware. Harry giggles and pulls him closer. Louis places his hands on top of Harry’s and shuts his eyes.

 

“Goodnight, Lou.”

 

***

 

Louis stretches his back in his empty bed, letting out a little groan. Harry did a stellar job, he’ll probably feel him for two days. Four at most.

 

He has a hot shower to relax his muscles and when he steps out, he finds Zayn sitting on the edge of his bed, scrolling through his phone. “Warn a guy next time, yeah? I might not have been decent,” Louis hisses.

 

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before,” Zayn comments. “And I feel nothing towards it, bro.”

 

“But it’s my body, my sacred temple,” Louis jokes as he whips his towel off and quickly dries the dripping ends of his hair. He goes over to his messily opened luggage and picks out a pair of boxer briefs. “What do we have planned today?” Louis asks as he slips on his underwear.

 

“We’re going on Corden’s show. I think that’s it really,” Zayn says. “I think Liam and Harry are actually gonna be on the same couch with us.” Louis snaps his neck towards him, giving him a look of betrayal as if he had anything to do with it. “It’ll be fun, Lou.”

 

Louis pouts his lip in thought before nodding.

 

His signature tight-lipped smile makes an appearance when Liam and Harry join them on the couch. Liam shakes both of their hands, but when Harry goes to shake Louis’s, Louis pulls his hand back at the last second. Harry rolls his eyes at him and takes his seat on the end of the couch.

 

Eventually James asks, “How did you feel winning Best New Artist?”

 

“Can I… Can I just interject here?” Louis asks but continues anyway, “I feel like you’re just trying to rile me up, James. You and Harry.”

 

“Is it working?” James asks with a smile.

 

Louis crosses his arms as he sits back and purses his lips, “No.”

 

“He likes being worked up, loves attention, it’s fine,” Zayn assures, squeezing Louis’s knee cap.

 

“He’s a Capricorn. It’s really not shocking,” Harry adds as he grabs his mug of water from the table and sips at it, eyes playful over the rim. Zayn, Liam, and James all laugh but Louis just leans forward to glare at Harry. Harry giggles at him as he puts the cup back down.

 

Louis keeps the banter going throughout the show. The audience loves it though so no one’s bothered by their stupid and excessive bickering. In between cuts, Louis wonders if any of the public actually take his and Harry’s “feud” seriously because if he were an outsider, he really wouldn’t. He wonders if he could ask Harry to shed a tear or two after he makes fun of his silly shoes. And when James mentions that the camera at the awards show last night caught Louis calling Harry a “shitbag”, Harry grins so wide, Louis really wishes he could make him cry.

 

They all shake James’ hand before going back to their dressing rooms to rest for a bit, pick up, and then leave. “I’m going to go use the toilet. Be right back,” Zayn asks before he exits the room, leaving Louis completely alone. Louis sighs before pulling out his phone, going to text Harry but there’s already a message.

 

**Hung-y Styles:**

**Come to my room, it’s empty.**

 

**Tomlinbum:**

**So is mine so get your ass here.**

 

He pockets his mobile and waits, placing his feet on the coffee table. They’re only gonna have a quick kiss or two because Zayn will be back soon. Louis puts on his most neutral expression when the doorknob turns and Harry steps in, glittery boots and barely buttoned striped shirt.

 

They’ve been making out for several minutes, Harry straddling Louis’s lap, when  Louis realizes Zayn still isn’t back. He opens his eyes and his mouth goes idle against Harry’s as he ponders the reasons why Zayn is taking so long. Harry pulls away and asks, “What’s wrong?”

 

“Zayn still hasn’t come back,” Louis replies.

 

“Hm. And Liam hasn’t come looking for me. Do you think…?” Harry trails off, eyebrows wiggling. Louis chuckles and shakes his head.

 

“No. Zayn isn’t… No, not likely,” Louis says before pecking Harry’s lips. “But you should go now.”

 

“Okay,” Harry kisses him again, fingertips on the light stubble that grew in overnight, before standing up from his lap. He walks out of the room with a little strut in his step. Louis throws a pillow at his back.

 

“Why is there a pillow here?” Zayn asks two minutes later when he opens the door.

 

During the car ride back to their hotel, Louis asks, “Want to go out tonight?”

 

Zayn clicks his tongue apologetically before saying, “I’m actually going to meet up with a few old friends… if that’s okay.” Louis nods with a smile, trying not to show that he’s actually a bit disheartened. He wouldn’t admit it but not winning Best New Artist makes him feel like he’s failed. The emotion was lying dormant inside of him after losing and in the moments he isn’t doing anything, he can feel it showing signs of unrest. He tries to coax it back to sleep by distracting himself.

 

He’s lying in bed, sending Harry tons of the same meme simply because his fans relate Harry to it. Harry isn’t responding so Louis guesses he’s busy and goes out of his way to send even more just for putting him second. Every now and then, the crowd formed outside his window will raise their volume and distract him from his searching.

 

He rolls onto the other side of the bed and grabs the television remote before switching it on. The noise isn’t enough. His skin feels like there are hundreds of spider legs crawling over it so he pulls on joggers and a hoodie before slipping on his shoes.

 

He swipes his fringe out of his eyes as he gets closer to the commotion. He smiles at the happiness he sees bubbling inside of people. He dodges phones that nearly hit him in the face, gives out hugs, smiles for pictures, and signs everything put in front of him. It’s a relief to what he was feeling earlier. “Okay, you lot should go home now. Get some rest. I bet some of you have school tomorrow,” Louis says, pointing an accusatory finger.

 

“It’s the weekend though, Louis,” someone calls out.

 

“I don’t care. Go do your revisions,” Louis adds, trying to sound stern but he starts to giggle. “Figure I can’t convince any of you. Anyway, please be careful out here. Goodnight, love you.” He waves with both of his hands before he turns around and his guard walks him back inside the hotel.

 

He sends Harry another pepe before turning the doorknob to his room and stepping inside. He nearly screams. “Fucking hell, you don’t just sneak into someone’s hotel room, you fucking weirdo,” Louis hisses as he unzips his hoodie.

 

“Sorry, I was bored and alone at mine. And you never come over, always expect me to,” Harry says from where he lies on his side in Louis’s bed, dark jeans, loose sheer shirt, stupid black hat on his head.

 

“Well, I’m not really in the mood to fuck,” Louis sighs as he ruffles his own hair. He walks over to his open luggage and drops his sweater in it.

 

“You wound me. You’re more than just a piece of ass to me, Louis,” He replies, putting his hand over his heart. “And I was a bit cross with you after I got out of a late night meeting with eighty six frogs from you.” Louis smiles sinisterly as he unties the knot on his sweatpants and slides them down his legs. He steps out of them and then takes off his shirt. “You said you didn’t want to fuck and now you’re undressing in front of me.”

 

“Doesn’t mean anything.” Louis places his hands on the foot of the bed and starts to crawl on it slowly. He rolls onto his back and lies down next to Harry’s legs, face purposely close to his crotch. He smiles innocently up at Harry, whose pupils are dilated. “Do you want to share a doobie with me?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Louis lays his head down on Harry’s chest, hearing the thumping of his heart. He smiles when Harry’s large hand comes into his view, joint in between his fingers as he tries to get it in between Louis’s lips. Louis sits up and takes it from him. Harry has his hands on Louis’s strong thighs, thumbs stroking his skin, as he watches him suck on the joint. Louis gives it back to him. Harry sets it aside on Louis’s speckled black ashtray. He sits up and grabs Louis’s face, pulling him in for a kiss.

 

Louis bites on Harry’s bottom lip when he pulls away. He pulls the hat off of Harry’s head and places it on his own. “We’ve been fucking for so long now, and you’re a timeless beauty, Louis Tomlinson,” Harry drawls as he tucks Louis’s fringe behind his ear. He smiles softly before kissing him just as soft.

 

Louis deepens the kiss and then stops. He licks across Harry’s lips before whispering, “You know how I said I didn’t want to fuck?” Harry hums in response, eyes still shut. “I think I’ve changed my mind.” Then his weight on Harry’s lap is gone. He opens his eyes and sees Louis making his way to the window.

 

Louis waves at the smaller group of people and shuts the curtain after hearing their muffled screaming. He returns to the bed, climbing onto it on all fours and making his way to Harry. He kisses him once more before turning around and raising his bum higher in the air, wiggling to make sure he’s gotten Harry’s attention.

 

Thrill runs up his spine when he Harry finally slides his briefs down. “Perfect,” Harry breathes.

 

***

 

Louis smirks at the news article screenshot Harry sends him.

 

“ **Tomlinson The Tease! Gay Celeb Surprises Fans In Nothing But A Hat”**

 

**Hung-y Styles:**

**Now the entire world knows that you’re a horrible, horrible tease.**

 

He stands up from the couch and walks over to where Zayn is applying eye makeup. He’s gone a bit creative today with thick eyeliner on his waterline and lines branching out of it, resembling black tree roots. “I’m impressed, Zaynie,” Louis says as he stands next to him in front of the vanity, the border of light bulbs illuminating their faces. “This is probably my favorite. And I really liked the red eyeliner you did months ago.”

 

Zayn chuckles, “Thanks, Lou. You want to do something today?”

 

“Hm, maybe. Maybe just classic eyeliner,” Louis replies as he checks his skin in the mirror. He doesn’t really remember the last time he put on makeup for a show and he loves makeup. It’s always been their thing since they started. “Don’t have much time or patience for anything too elaborate.”

 

Zayn quickly lines his eyes all the way around, going a bit thicker on his lash line and gently smudging it with his thumb. “That good?” Zayn asks. Louis looks in the mirror and smirks to himself. Now he remembers his love for eyeliner, seeing his eyes pop.

 

“I need to get back into makeup, glitter and everything,” Louis says. “Anyway. We have a show to do, Zayn.”

 

Louis pours out every feeling that’s built up since the award ceremony into this show. He has so much vigor, never stops moving except for their slower songs. The crowd goes crazy when he and Zayn brush lips while Louis holds his mic in between the both of them. They absolutely lose it when Louis drops to his knees when he and Zayn are playing their guitar and bass. He mimes bobbing his head on Zayn’s dick and Zayn plays along by throwing his head back. It’s a good show.

 

He wipes at the eyeliner smeared down to his cheekbones as they get back into their dressing room. “That was sick,” Zayn says, giving Louis a hi-five. His intricate eyeliner has also become a blotchy mess. “Had a lot of energy.”

 

Louis smiles. A show full of energy that he won’t feel guilty about once the feeling leaves him. He can see that Zayn knows what he’s thinking because he pulls him into a hug. “Love you, mate,” Zayn mumbles into his shoulder. He pulls back to kiss Louis’s forehead. “You want to do something tonight? I know you have left over adrenaline after shows.”

 

“Want to skate around for a bit?”

 

They step out of the venue to a fenced off area. There are a few fans on the other side of the wall of chainlink but they're too far away to hear them unless either of them have fallen off their board and are trying to laugh away the pain.

 

“I probably should've told you I was gonna drop to my knees during the show but it was like a last second thing,” Louis mentions as he sits down on his board, rolling left and right. “I don't know if that was like okay. Sorry if it was too much.”

 

Zayn holds his hand out, telling him to stop talking. “It's okay, Louis,” Zayn replies as he picks up his skateboard. “I’m not sex-repulsed.”

 

“So... So what are you? I know you're ace but there are several kinds, yeah?” Louis asks.

 

“You want to have a talk about my asexuality?” Zayn questions with a chuckle as he sits down next to Louis on the floor.

 

“If that's okay with you. We've been friends forever, but I don't remember a proper talk about it. Just like... The occasional fact here and there. I want to understand you as much as I can as a gay male who loves sex,” Louis replies.

“Well, I love sex too,” Zayn says. Louis's eyes widen and Zayn blushes. “It's surprising, yeah? But like you said, there are several kinds of asexuality. Asexuality is, for me, just a lack of sexual attraction. I don't need to have that to enjoy sex.”

 

Louis slaps away the finger Zayn pokes his face with. Louis dramatically puts a hand to his mouth likes he just learned about the death of his child. “This whole time I thought you were a pure little virgin,” Louis gasps obnoxiously. He holds Zayn's face in his hands and kisses his cheek. “Sorry, I am shocked.”

 

“That's okay. I probably would be too if the roles were switched,” Zayn replies as he plays with the strings of his hoodie. “But I didn't have sex until... Like... Nine months ago.”

 

“Who was it with?” He jumps immediately.

 

“I’m not telling you,” Zayn snaps. “Jesus, Louis. I'm baring my soul for you and you just want me to kiss and tell.” Zayn punches his arm.

 

Louis laughs. “I’m sorry, mate. I just... You had to have trusted them, yeah? I wouldn't take you as the one night stand type, even if you weren't ace,” Louis explains.

 

“Yeah, I'm not,” Zayn says, trying to hide his grin. “I do trust them.”

 

Louis squeezes his bicep. “That's good, bro,” he says before looking up at the flecks painting the dark sky. He doesn’t question any further. Zayn is allowed to keep things from him, he’s never shown any signs of being in desperate need of help. And Louis trusts that the things he keeps to himself aren’t similar to those that kept Louis trapped away in his home and slowly wasted away at the grey matter in his brain. “I’m glad you have someone you trust. We all need someone.”

 

“Yeah,” Zayn agrees as he rubs at his face with his knuckle and sees black. “We should’ve taken off the makeup.”

 

They talk a bit more about Zayn, what it was like being asexual around other kids his age who were going through puberty and coming out. It’s different from Louis being gay but on some level, they understand each other.

 

“You know, a little elf told me a few days ago that you don’t sneak into someone’s room,” Harry says as he puts his keys on the side table in the living room. He begins the walk over to Louis.

 

“He sounds cute,” Louis replies as stands up from the couch and gently tugs on the sleeves of his sweater. “And I didn’t sneak into your room, I snuck into your house.”

 

“Hm, so that’s how it works,” Harry mumbles as he closes in on him and kisses his lips softly. His hand comes to Louis’s waist and slowly trails down to the tiny athletic shorts he’s wearing. He pulls from his lips and hums in amusement. “But these are mine and I know I had these in my dresser… in my room.”

 

“Do you trust me?” Louis asks as he drapes his arms around Harry’s neck.

 

“Well, you haven’t shaved my hair off while I slept and we’ve barebacked plenty of times,” Harry says with a tiny giggle that Louis can feel against his lips. “I trust you.”

 

Louis hears the deep sincerity in his voice and immediately presses the side of his face into Harry’s chest, breathing in his scent. Harry’s arms become tighter around him. “Are you okay?” He asks as his fingers play with the long strands of hair that cover Louis’s nape. Louis nods. “You sure?”

 

Louis is about to speak when he feels Harry’s finger press into the thin flesh of his back. He pays attention as he draws out a question mark with his fingertip. Louis traces a six into Harry’s back and he hears him sigh in relief.

 

Harry continues to massage Louis’s scalp while he sits in his lap. “I know it’s late but are you hungry? Or want tea? Anything?” Harry asks. Louis can only remember eating cereal this morning. He doesn’t purposely try to avoid food, his appetite has been fucked up for a long time and he ends up forgetting without that craving reminding him he needs sustenance. Harry knows this. He’s probably saved Louis from fainting several times.

 

Harry sits at his breakfast bar while Louis goes through his fridge and pantry. He settles for some Oreos and sits in front of Harry at the bar, swinging his feet from where they hang. Harry smiles around the rim of his glass of water. Louis can feel his face go warm so he turns his attention to the dark marble counter.

 

They never put a name to this thing they have. But there are certain moments where Louis thinks it names itself. He’s doesn’t ask, Harry doesn’t either.

 

Harry slides out of his seat and uses his thumbs to wipe away the crumbs in the corner of Louis’s mouth. “I’m going to go shower,” He says. “Try not to eat all of the biscuits, yeah?” Louis nods slowly, both eyebrows raised. Harry chuckles and adds, “But you’re Louis Tomlinson, you’re not going to listen to me,” before kissing his cheek. He places his glass in the sink and heads upstairs.

 

Louis listens to the crunch of cookies in his mouth and starts to close the package back up. He returns the biscuits to their spot in the pantry and follows Harry’s path upstairs. He enters Harry’s room and hears the shower running before he steps into the en suite. He finds Harry standing in his boxers, phone in his hand. He looks up at Louis and smiles. “Was waiting for you,” Harry says as he puts his phone down on the sink counter.

 

“How cocky and presumptive of you,” Louis replies as he begins to shed his clothing.

 

“I think ‘considerate’ is more accurate,” Harry corrects him. He pulls off his boxers and slides open the glass shower door. “You love my shower.” It’s true. The first time they fucked in Harry’s shower, Louis became a changed man. He still has that day in his top five best days of his life.

 

Harry breaks out into a smug grin, knowing what he’s thinking. He jerks his head towards the shower and takes Louis’s hand.

 

Louis ends up pressed against the beige tile, sharp moans escaping his lips and bouncing off the walls, with Harry’s face in between his ass cheeks and firm hands spreading him apart, eating like he’s been starving for weeks.

 

***

 

“Happy birthday, Lots. Tell me, did Niall drop off your present?” Louis asks as he lays down in Zayn’s hotel bed. Zayn is on the other side, sleeping soundly.

 

“Yeah, Louis. Thanks,” She says with a gentle excitement. “This makeup must’ve been fucking expensive.”

 

“It was. But I hadn’t a clue what to get,” Louis replies, “So I got everything. Since I can do that now.”

 

She giggles. “Where’d you buy the boots?” She asks.

 

“Oh, Zayn showed me this site, I don’t recall the name but he could probably tell you,” Louis answers. “So what else did you get for your day?”

 

“Well, the twins both made me cards, Fizzy bought me earrings, and Mum got us tickets to see Katy Perry,” Lottie lists. “Zayn sent me a perfume and Harry got me a really, really expensive bag.”

 

Louis almost screams, “What? What kind of bag is it?”

 

“It’s YSL. I know you shouldn’t look up prices, but I had to, Lou,” She whines. “It was over a thousand pounds.”

 

“Is it lined with bloody gold?” Louis asks in disbelief. He mentally notes Kick Harry’s Ass Later in his brain. “Send me a picture of it. It better be made of real human skin or something. What the fuck.”

 

He sees the picture after the phone call ends. “A thousand fucking pounds,” Louis mutters. A pillow hits his head.

 

“Shut the fuck up, Lou,” Zayn groans as he burrows himself deeper into his bed.

 

**Tomlinbum:**

**You bought my little sis a purse priced at 1K?**

 

**Hung-y Styles:**

**Well it’s 1.5K here in the states.**

 

**Tomlinbum:**

**> :(**

 

**Hung-y Styles:**

**It’s YSL. I got it at a good price, don’t be mad, Lou.**

 

**Tomlinbum:**

**I’m not mad >:(**

 

Louis puts his phone down and crawls up the bed until he can spoon Zayn. “We got to get up, Zayn. We have interviews today,” Louis says. “We need to get pretty.”

 

“I’m already pretty,” Zayn mutters as he throws off his duvet, covering Louis’s face. He rolls out of bed and stretches his back. “So what were you bitching about earlier?”

 

“Harry got Lottie a fancy purse that cost over a thousand pounds,” Louis answers as he splays all his limbs across Zayn’s bed. Zayn chuckles as he runs a hand through his hair.

 

“Sometimes I forget that you and Harry are close, like your lives overlap, yet you hate each other,” Zayn says as he pulls off his briefs.

 

“We don’t hate each other,” Louis replies. “I just can’t help myself from making fun of how weird he is, and he fights back.”

 

“So you’re like two annoying brothers,” Zayn raises an eyebrow as he steps into a new pair of boxers. Louis doesn’t reply. He bites his lip to hide the smirk that tries to plaster itself on his face. Surely, brothers don’t do what he and Harry do. Then he mentally slaps himself for considering that some possibly do.

 

They’re on the ride to the venue after they finish their interviews. Zayn chuckles from his side of the backseat and leans over to show Louis his phone screen. It’s opened up to a tweet that consists of the blurry picture of Louis standing in front of his hotel window with the hat on and a picture of Harry wearing it earlier that same day. He gives an incredulous smirk at the tweet and snorts. “So Styles and I are confirmed to be fucking now?” He asks. Zayn shrugs as he pulls his phone back.

 

“I think you’re confirmed in love,” Zayn teases. “By fans, at least.”

 

“That’s amazing,” Louis says as he uncaps his water bottle and drinks. “You know, there are worse people I could be in a reputed relationship with. Like you.”

 

“You wish you were dating me,” Zayn replies as he kicks Louis’s thigh. “Bet you would’ve kept those rumors going if you could.”

 

When they were finally famous enough to be in news articles and shows, the media finally started to pick up on the things Zayn and Louis did together, like kissing on stage. They shut the talk down by letting everyone know it was just an act, it was just for show. “You’re right. If you weren’t ace, you’d probably be attracted to yourself. You’re hot as fuck, bro,” Louis admits.

 

Zayn plays coy before saying, “At least you know.”

 

“You know you’re hot, right?” Louis asks, sitting up.

 

Zayn bites his lip and nods, eyes smug but twinkling. “I can appreciate someone’s… aesthetics,” Zayn replies before chuckling. “Like… Louis, you have a nice face but I don’t want to shoot my load over it. Or on it.”

 

Louis reaches over and puts his hand on Zayn’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t shoot my load on your face either,” He says in such a tone that makes Zayn laugh. “Good talk, bud.”

 

“They’re a good shag when you come untouched,” Louis states as he munches on iceberg lettuce. Salads are disappointing but he doesn’t want to feel gross and bloated by eating junk. “Luckily, I always get with guys who are good shags.” He doesn’t mention that by _guys_ , he means one.

 

Nick presses his palm against his face as he laughs. “Christ, Louis. I could be giving everyone an exclusive on your sex life,” He sighs as he sits up. Louis smiles smugly as he chews. “And its sales would break records.”

 

“If you ever find yourself on your uppers, I’ll even throw in a full frontal,” Louis winks at him before putting his plate down. “When are you leaving New York?”

 

“Eager to get rid of me already, Tomlinson?” Nick chuckles. “In four days, at most. When are you going back to London?”

 

“I’m going after a show in Florida. But only for a week to see my family then I’m going back to Los Angeles,” Louis answers. “And I’m not trying to get rid of you. You’re not Winston. You know I have love for you.”

 

“Winston is an arse,” Nick whispers as if he was in the room. “I read his articles, he’s such a grump. I don’t know if he hates you or is in love with you.”

 

“The latter, most likely. It’s my ass,” Louis nods with a smirk.

 

Nick rolls his eyes at him. “Anyway, you cock, he’s always going on about you being pretentious and doing things just for shock value,” He adds. “I remember once he said he didn’t even think you were actually gay.”

 

Louis laughs. “That’s rich,” Louis replies just as Zayn steps into the room.

 

“Hey, Nick!” He says with a wave.

 

“Zayn!” Nick smiles. “What are you up to?”

 

“I’m just coming in to put on some makeup, got to look prettier on stage,” Zayn answers as he walks over to the vanity littered with makeup. “Have you checked out your suite? They’re wicked here.”

 

“I haven’t yet. It’s quite cozy being here with Louis.”

 

“I wouldn’t know how that feels,” Zayn jokes.

 

“Don’t let him fool you. He loves me,” Louis says.

 

Louis’s sat at the grand piano when he finally gets a good look at the people in the first twenty rows. It’s quite a shame that he doesn’t play on a stage with a catwalk, he’d like to see more people. The first thing he notices in the crowd is the giant cutout of Harry’s face with a bald head. “Oh my god, that’s amazing,” he says, pointing in the direction. He slides off the bench and walks to the edge of the stage. “After the show, can I have it? Unless we can all work together and get it to me now?”

 

A second later, he sees the cutout crowd surfing its way towards him. His smile grows as it gets closer. He then takes it from a person in the front row and bites his lower lip. Quickly takes it backstage, still giggling into his mic, and hurries back. “That’s the best thing I’ve seen. Never thought I’d actually be glad that Henry has his goofy hair,” Louis adds.

 

“Stop being so mean,” Zayn replies with a chuckle as he plays a little riff from another band.

 

“Okay, you’re right. Anyway, onto the next song!”

 

Louis tugs on his hoodie to cover his ears as he steps outside in the cold, Zayn on his heels. He smiles as they’re welcomed with screams when the people on the other side of the metal-bar fence see them. “Show’s over, what are you still doing here?” Zayn asks, not unkindly, when they’re close enough.

 

“Wanted to meet you!” Someone says.

 

“How’d you know we’d come out?”

 

“We didn’t but you’re here now.”

 

Louis nods. “Not wrong,” He tells Zayn. He turns back to the people on the other side of the fence. “I wish this bloody fence wasn’t in the way.” He grabs two bars and firmly pushes and pulls on it to check its integrity. Then he climbs. Zayn sighs before following. “Might wanna… Clear the way unless you want my balls smashed in your skull.” He hops down once it’s free of people and fixes his hoodie again. “Cool. I was scared some of you _would_ want an indent of my balls in your skull. Pictures?”

 

“So do you and Harry really hate each other?” A girl asks after she and Louis finish taking a selfie.

 

“No, it’s mostly banter,” Louis replies.

 

“Oh okay. So how do you feel about the fans who… who want you together or think you are?” She adds.

 

“I hope you’re not looking for a controversial answer,” Louis says, squinting at her with a smile. “I don’t care. If, you know, writing fan fiction or making some pictures of us fucking keeps them from... doing stuff like drugs or makes them happy, then go ahead. It’s not really hurting anyone. That’s how I feel. The only thing I’m offended by is that someone would consider Harry to be in my league.”

 

They both giggle before Louis pulls her into a hug and then continues to take pictures and sign things. It’s 1 A.M. when Zayn and Louis finally tell them to go home and get rest. They all do it with a groan and Louis is heavily endeared by their desire to stay.

 

Zayn and Louis leave in different cars. Zayn goes straight back to the hotel while Louis takes a detour. Really, Louis doesn’t know how drunk or high Harry must’ve been to tell Louis where all of his house keys were hidden. Maybe he was crossfaded.

 

So there he goes, punching numbers into the keypad by Harry’s gate with his giant fucking face tucked under his arm. He runs down the long driveway, giggling under his breath as he closes in on the front doors. He leans the cutout against the door before stepping aside to pick up the large rock with the lyrics _We will rock you_ painted on it. It’s still one of the worst things ever and Louis is gonna give him shit about it again when he gets inside.

 

He turns the rock over and pulls at the rubber stopper on the bottom. He shakes out the spare key and returns the rock, with the key inside, back to its spot after unlocking the door.

 

Louis flicks the light switch and the foyer is illuminated. The house is still as beautiful as ever, with it’s curved staircase and large chandelier, but it isn’t alive. Everything is clean, no evidence that Harry’s been here in awhile. No tattered up boots by the door, no lights on in his office or sweet aromas coming from the kitchen.

 

He pads upstairs with the giant face cutout. He considers leaving it in Harry’s entertainment room since it’s closest to him but he knows Harry. When he comes to his New York home, the first thing he’ll do is sleep. So he goes further into the house to Harry’s bedroom.

 

He steps into Harry’s bathroom and places the cutout in the dry tub. He pulls the curtain before he leaves.

 

***

 

Louis is having an especially off day the moment he wakes up. The first thing he does in the morning is ask Zayn for cuddles.

 

“Cravings?” Zayn asks softly as he rubs circles into Louis’s back. Louis nods against his chest. It’s embarrassing for him that his skin can start itching and tearing itself apart when he wants another high. “That’s okay. We don’t have a show today, want to go do something?” Louis nods again.

 

When he’s back in his suite getting dressed, he tries to push out the thoughts over how easy it would be to call someone and get a dose. He sniffles and feels more shame come over him. He used to be habitual sniffler and he hated it so much, a constant reminder of his disgusting fixation.

 

They go out by themselves after convincing their team that they’ll be fine seeing as no one knows they’re in Florida yet. Louis’s phone vibrates in his pocket while he sits in the passenger seat of the SUV as Zayn drives.

 

**Hung-y Styles:**

**Would you mind if I spent some time with your family?**

 

**Tomlinbum:**

**Go for it.**

 

**Hung-y Styles:**

**Good because I’m already with them. Are you okay?**

 

**Tomlinbum:**

**Yeah, why ?**

 

**Hung-y Styles:**

**I was expecting a “Stay away from my family, you creep” or something along those lines. Are you sure?**

 

Louis chokes out a laugh at how well Harry knows him and feels a little like crying after. Zayn snaps his attention to him. Louis looks at him and says, “Sorry. I’m laughing at a meme.” Zayn chuckles and assesses him quickly before turning back to the road in front of him.

 

**Tomlinbum:**

**I had a dream and now I want to relapse. I’ll be fine though. Zayn’s with me.**

 

**Tomlinbum:**

**Take care of my family. Or I’ll have your head, and not the one on your shoulders !**

 

**Hung-y Styles:**

**That’s my boy. x**

 

Louis gets flustered and pushes what Harry texted out of his mind. Of course, he fails.

 

And while he’s eating out with Zayn, his phone buzzes again and he opens Harry’s message to see a picture of him and Louis’s mum. He saves it.

 

They do run into a few fans but luckily near the end of their breakfast so they don’t worry about more fans finding them after their location is given out. He and Zayn play FIFA back at the hotel and then watch movies.

 

He survives.

 

***

 

The first thing Louis does when he gets home to LA is make tea. He has plenty while he’s with his mum but then he misses her so much the moment he lands that the only way to console himself is to have more.

 

He sips from his red mug as he walks to his songwriting room. He’s not planning on writing but he has his desktop in there. So he goes through Twitter and sees some pap and fan pictures of him in London. Then he goes through Tumblr and reads more fan theories about him and Harry because they’re entertaining and actually very perceptive. So he’s leaning back in his chair reading about how he and Harry definitely spent a week together in Dubai. After he finishes going over the compelling evidence, his and Harry’s timelines that week and the pictures of hickeys on both of their skin, he asks himself if they did or not?

 

_“Bloody fucking hell,” Louis curses as he prods at the small red bruises on his neck while standing in front of the bathroom mirror. “You couldn’t keep your mouth to yourself?” Louis calls out to Harry, who’s still rolling around in bed, as he looks for a comb to neaten up his mix of sex-and-bedhead._

 

_Harry comes into his view as he stands in the doorway, still completely naked and face a little sleepy but that doesn’t stop his smugness from being unreadable. He comes up behind Louis and wraps his arms around him, cupping the little swell of Louis’s tummy and lazily kissing over the love bites. “What do you have to say for yourself, Styles?” Louis asks._

 

_Harry hums in amusement before saying, “Got one to match.” He turns his head and shows off the marks on his skin as he noses Louis’s soft hair._

 

_“I wanted to go to the sea today,” Louis replies with a pout._

 

_“Then go,” Harry whispers as he continues to kiss down Louis’s neck and shoulder. “I already said I’d stay in this room all week and wait for you until you wanted me. ‘M a slave for you.”_

 

_“…Get back in bed.”_

 

They did spend that week in Dubai together. He’s impressed that they pieced it together but disappointed they somehow didn’t figure out that he and Harry also tried spanking for the first time that week.

 

While he’s reading about possible, romantic meanings behind his and Harry’s tattoos, his doorbell rings. He gets out of his chair and goes to answer the door with his mug of cold tea in his hand. He’s surprised to see Niall standing in front of his door with a bouquet of red roses and white lilies in his hands. “Don’t worry, I’m not confessing my love for you,” Niall says. “These are from Harry.”

 

“Come in,” Louis replies as he eyes the bouquet like a weapon Niall’s going to use against him. He hesitates before taking the flowers from him and walking to his kitchen.

 

He curses because he doesn’t own a vase. Harry should know this. He resorts to filling up the largest glass cup he owns with water. Niall laughs at it. “Fuck you, I’ve never gotten flowers before, okay?” Louis hisses. “And why the fuck did Harry get me flowers?”

 

“For finishing up tour,” Niall replies. “And having a nice ass, probably. Anyway, I came here to write a song.”

 

Louis nods and together they walk back to his songwriting room. The first thing Niall notices is Louis’s desktop screen.

 

**H &L TATTOO ANALYSIS**

 

“Shut up,” Louis spits before he can even get a word out. He rips across the room and clicks out of the tab. “Songwriting?”

 

“So am I still the only one who knows?” Niall asks after they figure out a chorus that they still like after singing it three times.

 

“Yeah. Unless Liam figured it out and Harry didn’t tell me,” Louis answers. Niall found out in a way that’s really comical in retrospect. He and Harry were already making out and getting hands wherever they could when they stepped into Harry’s hotel room. Harry had his hand down Louis’s pants, wrapped tightly around his cock, when they both noticed the blond boy sitting on the couch, frozen with a bag of crisps in his lap. Harry’s hand didn’t cease its movements through the entire scene. “You haven’t told anyone, yeah?”

 

“Nah. I don’t even know what you and Styles actually are. Is it friends with benefits or—”

 

“I don’t know either,” Louis replies as he brings his cigarette to his mouth. “Anyway, for the first verse,…”

 

And later that night when Harry and Louis finish having phone sex and Harry tells him that when he gets back to the States, the first thing he’s gonna do is kiss him, he ignores the flutter in his belly that is different from arousal and he doesn’t ask about the thing they are.

 

***

 

Harry kisses him and then fucks him hard. And while Louis is still laying in bed, recovering from his mind blowing orgasm, Harry does his laundry because Louis lets it pile up and then starts on dinner.

 

And the butterfly wings return to Louis’s stomach when Harry kisses his shoulder, telling him that dinner is ready downstairs. He doesn’t ask.

 

***

 

Louis didn’t want to go to the store to pick up eggs. But Harry didn’t either and he had an offer that Louis just couldn’t deny.

 

“You can ride my face, right now, if you go out to buy eggs,” Harry says, eyes wide and serious.

 

The next minute, Louis was rocking back and forth as he sat on Harry’s face, tongue lapping at his puckering hole, until he came all over his stomach. And now he’s standing in front of a wall of eggs, deciding which amount would be best. “Stop fucking around,” Louis mumbles to himself before grabbing a normal dozen, checking for any broken eggs, and then putting it in his basket.

 

It’s still quite early in the morning so he only runs into two fans, who have a cart full of junk. “Having a party?” Louis asks when he looks over the assortment of crisps and bottles of pop.

“Yeah, wanna come?” They ask because Louis has been known to crash some fan parties with Zayn. They’ve cut down on fan festivities after people started to attempt slandering their names, which is a bummer. He and Zayn like a good night out with normal people that aren’t afraid of getting a little crazy unlike celebrities, always worried about shots of their drunken arses in the papers.

  


“I would. But I’m busy today,” Louis says in an apologetic tone. “I have someone waiting for me at home.”

 

When he gets into his car, his phone alerts him of new popular results on himself that people are looking up on the web. He raises an eyebrow as he picks up his phone. He ended tour over two weeks ago and really hasn’t left his house since. Unless people are reading about him picking up eggs ten minutes ago, he doesn’t have any idea. Before he can look, his phone buzzes.

 

**Bradford Badboi:**

**Don’t read/watch the news. Don’t leave your house. I’ll fix this.**

 

Louis goes back to the web browser because he doesn’t listen and now it’s bothering him. Did people find out about his drug addiction? Because that’s fine, he’s getting better and he can—

 

**Louis Tomlinson, 23, Attempted Suicide In November, 2014**

 

**Gay Icon, Louis Tomlinson, OD’ed Last Year**

 

**Louis Tomlinson: Details Emerge in Cocaine Addiction and Attempted Suicide**

 

He feels something inside of him burn out. With trembling hands, he clumsily puts his key in the car’s ignition and starts driving home. He doesn’t realize he’s crying until he can’t see the road in front of him and the windshield wipers don’t fix anything.

 

He’s sat at a red light, wiping at the hot tears rushing down his face, when his mobile comes to life again. The calls and messages are frantic. He sees several names light up. _Lottie, Niall, Zayn, Mum._ He doesn’t touch it, afraid that it’ll burn his fingertips. And because the first person he deserves to talk to is his mum and he’s not ready.

 

_“You can’t tell my mum, Zayn,” Louis begs as tears form at the corners of his eyes. He closes his fist around his hospital bed sheet. “She doesn’t need to live with this. Please. I’ll get better if you don’t. Please.”_

 

_Zayn stares at him, trying so hard not to break again. He broke twice already. Finding Louis in his apartment, lying in his own vomit and shivering and whimpering, “I’m dying. I’m dying,” was enough to make him wish he was too. And when the doctors told him about the cocaine in his system and he didn’t even know his friend was suffering alone, he felt another hammer strike his already shattered heart._

 

_“I won’t tell her,” Zayn squeaks out, voice feeling tight because he’s going to cry again. He takes a deep breath and sits down. He presses his fingertips into the corners of his eyes and shakily sighs. “But you better fucking get better, Tomlinson. And you will fucking tell me what you’re feeling the moment you feel it. Because I can’t fucking do this without you, you piece of shit. I love you.”_

 

_Then he’s bawling and gently hugging Louis’s weak body. Louis ends up in tears too as he and Zayn repeat, “I love you,” back and forth, thinking it will make the pain go away, hoping it will make the pain go away._

 

He parks and takes a moment to breathe. Chances are high that Harry hasn’t seen or read anything. He checks to see if his eyes are badly red and puffy. Tired, he looks tired.

 

He grabs the store bag and starts walking to his front door. His stomach feels heavier and he feels like he has to actually work to get his feet off the ground. He takes another breath before turning the doorknob and stepping inside.

 

Harry is sat on the living room couch and sipping at his mug of coffee, still hot since Louis can see the tiny tendrils of steam. Harry hears his footfalls and turns to him. He puts his mug down on the table in front of him and smiles but it’s a bit off.

 

He knows.

 

“I got eggs,” Louis says into the silence that’s getting its hands around both of their throats. “Do you want me to help start… breakfast? Should we just do a full English?”

 

“Come here, Louis,” Harry commands softly, beckoning him over with his hand. Louis stills for a moment before finally moving. He plants himself on Harry’s lap and kisses him, hoping to steer him away from the trending topic of today. He kisses hard and grinds down into Harry’s soft cock, aiming to rile him up and make him forget about the news while they fuck. But Harry tries to pull away and Louis goes after his lips. “No, L— Stop,” Harry says. He holds both of Louis’s shoulders and keeps him at a distance. “Why won’t you tell me what’s going on?”

 

“Because nothing is going on,” Louis replies as he pulls himself out of Harry’s grip and stands up. “It happened a long time ago.”

 

“Y-you never told me,” Harry says as he follows Louis into the kitchen.

 

“You didn’t have to know,” Louis spits.

 

“Louis, your mum didn’t even know?” He questions, tone shocked because he knows how much Louis loves his mum and how they’re the best of friends. He was sure that if no one else knew Louis’s secret, that at least his mum did. “She called _me_ for answers… Please, Louis, let me in.”

 

Louis grabs his keys and hurries out of the house with Harry following, begging him not to leave. Harry takes hold of his wrist right before he gets to his car. Louis whips around and yanks his arm out of his grasp. “Be gone when I come back,” Louis snarls before getting into his car and leaving Harry in his driveway, an expression on his face that Louis wished never to give him. He hits the steering wheel with his fists when his own tears start up again.

 

Harry cleans Louis’s house until it’s spotless because he has nothing else to do besides cry and hyperventilate over Louis’s actions and whereabouts. The sun has gone down and he hasn’t returned.

 

He goes upstairs to Louis’s bedroom and tries to calm down by grounding himself in this room. But it doesn’t work because Harry looks at his lilac knit sweater hanging off the edge of the bed and remembers how Louis put it on while they watched a movie on his laptop. He remembers how it hung loosely on his body and showed off the ink on his collarbones. He remembers how Louis used one of his sweater paws to push his sweaty fringe away while he bounced on Harry’s cock, the hem of the knit bouncing with him. He remembers how close he was to telling Louis.

 

All he wants is to see Louis back in his bed where he’s safe. He chokes out a sob and sits down with his back against the bed frame. He doesn’t know how long he’s cried for when he hears the front door open downstairs. He shoots like a bullet for the door.

 

He comes face to face with Zayn and deflates. He sniffles loudly and wipes at his eyes. “Thought you were Louis,” Harry croaks. He sharply inhales to stop the next wails from escaping his mouth. “D-do you know where he is?”

 

“He isn’t here,” Zayn groans to himself as he runs his hands through his hair in frustration. Harry can tell that he’s tired himself out crying too. “I saw the paparazzi photos of him in his car so I looked for him at his favorite places… And I thought… Maybe he’d be back here. Fuck. Fuck.”

 

He presses his fist against the wall as he continues to let out a string of curses under his breath. “Did you know?” Harry asks, another tear slipping out of his eye. “I knew about the blow but not this.”

 

“I was… I found him,” Zayn answers, feeling his stomach twist as the image pops back into his head. He takes a deep breath. “What… Are you and Louis… together?”

 

Harry hiccups before he says, “I don’t know.”

 

Zayn nods before walking over and pulling Harry into a hug. Harry cries into his shoulder for a bit. “He’ll be fine, Harry. I’m gonna keep looking for him. Will you be okay by yourself?” He asks. “You can come with me if you want.”

 

Harry pulls back enough to sniffle and shake his head. “I think… I think I’d rather be waiting for him if he comes back,” Harry says. Zayn nods.

 

Louis uses his bank card to divide the cocaine into three lines. “Pass me a clean straw, will you?” Louis asks the man underneath him. Carefully, he reaches for one of the cut down straws and hands it to Louis, not wanting to disturb the coke on his pec.

 

Louis quickly snorts the three lines and tilts his head back to keep whatever coats the inside of his nostril. He licks off the gentle dusting of white left behind and kisses the man. He’s already forgotten his name because he’s, at best, an average fuck and he’s never going to see him again so what’s the point? “Ready to go again?” Louis asks as he slides his hardening cock against his.

 

When Louis kicks the guy out of his hotel, he finally looks at himself in the bathroom mirror. In the harsh light, he can see the red under his eyes and the bite marks on his skin that don’t belong to Harry. He turns on the faucet and cups his hands under the running water before splashing himself in the face. This is his relapse, and he made it a major one.

 

He takes a quick shower to wash off the stranger’s sweat from his body and the guilt that fills his pores. It’s not enough, and for a brief moment, Louis wishes he had died a year ago. But he remembers the blinding pain, not from the chemicals destroying his body, but from having to see Zayn’s hurt because he failed and so he knows that Zayn’s pain would only multiply if he succeeded.

 

He doesn’t have a guarantee that he’d succeed this time and he won’t continue to live with another failure on his shoulders.

 

Louis gets back into the clothing he arrived in and checks out. He gets into his car and starts the four hour drive back to LA.

 

_Harry rubs at his eye with the heel of his palm as he flips on the light in his foyer. The fist slamming against his door does another set of four pounds before Harry can unlock and open it. “Louis? It’s 2 A.M.,” Harry says as he steps aside and lets him in._

 

_“I know b-but I don’t have a home in New York like you do and Zayn’s probably waiting for me at the hotel and I can’t go back yet,” He replies as he pulls off his hoodie and pulls at his own hair. Harry can finally see the way his body trembles and the sheen of sweat on his face though it’s very cold out. “I fucked up.”_

 

_“What’d you do?” Harry asks as he places a hand on Louis’s shoulder. He sees the tears beginning to line his eyes and gently leads him to the living room, where he sits and pulls Louis into his lap. He lets Louis cry himself out as he strokes his fringe, fingernails brushing against his scalp. “What’d you do, Louis?” Harry asks softly before pressing a kiss to Louis’s temple._

 

_“I’m an addict,” Louis squeaks out, more hot tears rushing down his face. “I didn’t do blow for five months and now… Now I’m back at zero. I thought I could get better.”_

 

_He sobs again and Harry holds him tighter. “You are getting better,” Harry insists though Louis shakes his head. “Yes, you are. Because… You could have kept this to yourself. But you came to me. Recovery isn’t a straight line that just goes up, Louis. You’re going to relapse and it’s okay as long as you promise to save yourself again and again every time it happens.”_

 

Louis shuts off the radio when he realizes it’s Harry’s voice he’s listening to.

 

Harry tries not to cry after showering. So he distracts himself by watching Grease, which admittedly isn’t the best idea being Louis’s favorite movie and one they watched nearly ten times together. He can hear Louis beside him, quietly singing along and commenting on it every now and then. All he wishes for is his weight against his side and the subtle scent of the cigarette he smoked an hour before.

 

He jolts when he hears the sound of Louis’s gate squeaking as it opens. Tears immediately rest at the brim of his eyes as he throws off the small blanket over his body and picks up his phone, quickly texting Zayn that Louis came back.

 

His knees shake as the front door begins to stir and then opens. Louis goes to pull off his hoodie but halts when he notices the figure in his living room and feels its eyes. “You’re still here,” Louis says, voice rough and lacklustre.

 

Harry chokes up again when he notices the bruises and marks on Louis’s neck and collarbones, each one a knife to his heart. “What… Your neck,” Harry swallows the heart in his throat, his legs threatening to give out and make him fall to his knees. Harry pathetically wishes that he could just conjure up the memory of him giving Louis those marks. But that couldn’t bandage his bleeding heart.

 

Louis’s fingers drag along his skin, gently pressing into it and feeling pain bloom under the tips. “We never said we were exclusive,” Louis replies blankly.

 

_“This is our new single. Thank you,” Louis hangs up the phone and slaps Harry on the shoulder. He moans loudly when Harry sucks particularly hard after that. “Dickhead.” Harry nods and hums as his mouth comes just around the tip of Louis’s cock. Louis hates him. “They, uh, they could’ve known. The entire country of America could’ve known that, fuck, Louis Tomlinson was having his dick sucked while being interviewed on, uh, radio. Are you trying to make me out as a sleaze? Is that your ulterior motive?”_

 

_Harry pulls off of his cock and giggles as he pumps him. “I wouldn’t have to do much to make you out as a sleaze, you do that enough by yourself, tight jeans and practically stripping on stage and stuff,” Harry replies with another giggle. He is easily the most gorgeous person Louis’s ever seen._

 

_“That was, oh fuck, one time,” Louis argues as his stomach begins to rise and fall faster, Harry’s fist still tight around him. “I kept my boxers on. A-and who are you to judge? You don’t even know how to button your shirt.”_

 

_“Last time I buttoned my shirt, you tore it off and I lost all the buttons. I want to save some,” Harry huffs before wrapping his lips around Louis again._

 

_“I’m starting to… to think, uh, you like to sh-show off the marks I leave and you’re, ugh, puffy nipples,” Louis slurs, tummy feeling tighter with his orgasm nearing._

 

_Harry hums around him in agreement. “Want people to know I belong to someone, to you,” Harry says before swallowing him down again but not for long._

 

_“A little warning, Louis!” Harry sputters as he wipes come from the corner of his mouth._

 

_“Sorry,” Louis groans, a hand placed over his eyes as he breathes deeply. He doesn’t want to add “you can’t say things like that”, he doesn’t want Harry to know that there’s something deeper that he feels. “Fuck, I’m sorry,” He sits up and cups Harry’s face, pulling him closer until he can kiss him. Harry’s hand settles over one on his cheek, fingertips ghosting over Louis’s soft skin. Louis’s heartbeat picks up more now than it did while Harry was wanking him._

 

_Harry pulls back, keeping Louis’s hands on his face, and smiles. “I’m going to start up a bath. Want to join me?” Harry asks softly._

 

_“Are you going to drown me?” Harry giggles at that and shakes his head, forehead barely leaving Louis’s. “Okay. I’ll be there in a minute.”_

 

_Harry pecks his lips before shuffling off of the bed and strides to the en suite, swaying his pert little ass. Louis takes a deep breath, composing himself, before sliding off of the bed and following Harry’s fading path._

 

Harry bites his lip, feeling another ugly feeling drowning him from the inside. “Fuck you,” He seethes before storming upstairs. Louis doesn’t follow. He stays where he’s put, trying to keep down his emotions and let everything be ruined. He doesn’t deserve Harry.

 

He comes back down with his packed luggage that he didn’t drop at his own house, having not been there once since he came back. “Make me stay, Louis,” He begs, voice manifesting the hurt he’s feeling. Louis lets out a shaky breath but doesn’t look up to meet Harry’s eyes, too afraid that it’ll be the thing that finally breaks him. “Please,” Harry says, the change in pitch a telltale that he’s on the verge of tears now.

 

Louis shakes his head, taking his bottom lip between his teeth to stop himself from choking up. He walks away and steps into the kitchen. He can’t face Harry any longer. He places his elbows on the marble countertop, biting on his knuckle, and keeps the dam behind his eyes strong as he waits for the sound of the front door slamming. But the sound of footsteps entering the kitchen comes first. “I’m not coming back,” Harry chokes out. “When I leave, I’m not coming back.”

 

Louis swallows the sob in his throat and then mutters, “Then go.” He turns around and feels a punch at his gut when he sees Harry. He tries to remain standing. “I know that I’m an addict but I don’t need you.”

 

Harry wipes at the tears that immediately escape his eyes after he says it. “I-I know that, Louis. You don’t need anyone,” He says, hiccuping as he inhales. “But, but I thought maybe… Maybe you wanted me around.” He smiles halfheartedly as he blinks out more tears, each one twisting Louis’s stomach. “Guess not. I’ll be leaving.”

 

Before he can make a full turn, Louis can see the way his face falls for a split second and then he leaves the kitchen. Louis feels his entire body shake violently as he watches Harry exit the house without giving him another glance.

 

When the door shuts loudly, the noise hits Louis and knocks him to the ground, wails wracking his entire body. He feels his tears puddle on the tile ground and spread all around his face.

 

The front door opens and Louis looks up hopefully, wishing for the fucked up possibility that Harry hasn’t given up on him though he should. But he sees Zayn round the corner, his eyes widening with terror being met with a familiar scene before simmering down to concern. Louis bottom lip starts to shake again and he lowers his face back down to the floor.

 

***

 

He spends his days staring at Harry’s contact name, not even cracking the tiniest of small smiles at the ridiculous name he typed in over a year ago. He doesn’t know what to do because whatever he decides on, he then quickly psychs himself out by going over the bad outcomes of it.

 

The possible results of Louis calling him are worse than not calling. So he puts his phone down and pulls his bedsheets over his head. Zayn steps into his room with a gentle knock at the door. “Morning, Lou,” Zayn mumbles while trying to contain his messy hair. He climbs onto the bed and rests an arm on Louis’s thigh.

 

Since the night Louis was found sobbing on the floor, Zayn hasn’t gone back home. He sleeps on Louis’s couch and sometimes crawls into bed with him if it’s an especially bad night.

 

“I’m brewing some tea. Was hoping you’d come down and share a cuppa with me,” Zayn says. “How are you feeling?”

 

Louis yanks off his sheets and throws wads of paper to the opposite side of his room. He has several balls of crumpled paper piled up at his sides and Zayn’s really confused. “I started twenty songs, finished none because I hated all of them,” Louis hisses once his bed is cleared, angry at no one in particular. “I’m so fucking stupid, Zayn. Why am I so fucking stupid?” He puts his face in his hands then uses one to hit the side of his head.

 

Zayn gets to his knees and shuffles over to Louis, grabbing his wrist to prevent him from hitting himself any more. He pulls Louis into his arms and kisses his head. “You’re not stupid, Louis,” Zayn coos as he begins to rock Louis, effectively calming him down.

 

“I’m fucked up,” Louis weeps.

 

“But you didn’t decide to be fucked up,” Zayn says. And well, Louis’s glad for that. He’s glad Zayn won’t lie to him and deny the way he is. “It’s all here,” Zayn adds as he gently prods at Louis’s skull, “All chemical, babe, and you’ll get better.”

 

“I didn’t get better last time.”

 

“Doesn’t mean you can’t this time.”

 

Eventually, Zayn does manage to coax him out of his room and downstairs where their tea is now barely steaming. It’s proper cold when he splashes milk into it but he’s too numb to be bothered. “So when do we go to the doctor?” Louis murmurs bleakly before sipping his tea.

 

“When you feel ready,” Zayn replies, reaching across the couch to place his hand over Louis’s. “But I think the sooner we get you back on medication, the better. What do you think?”

 

Louis nods to himself. “Just want to get better.”

 

_Harry knots his fingers in Louis’s clean, damp hair as he gently kisses down his jaw and neck. Harry is fully aware that he can’t fix Louis but he can give him orgasms and make him come so hard that he can forget just for a moment. And maybe it’s a little reckless to be doing this at 3AM when Louis has a show later in the day but it’s imperative._

 

_“Hope you can get a nap before your show because I don’t believe in rushing,” Harry mumbles against his skin as his lips trail down his body. “We’ll be up until the sun comes out if we need to. Gonna milk you, Tomlinson.”_

 

_Louis cracks a smile and Harry feels his stomach warm up. “Okay. But. That’s bullshit. I have a massive recollection of you and I in toilet stalls,” Louis says. Harry puts a finger to his lips._

 

_“Sh. Those don’t count. I only rush if I’m going to literally come in my pants if I don’t get my mouth on you,” Harry argues. “But I’m half chub right now so I’m not really gagging for it.”_

 

_Louis’s jaw drops. “You did not just say half chub.”_

 

_Harry grins before confirming, “Yes, I did.”_

 

_“I’m leaving,” And as Louis tries to get to his knees, Harry tackles him back down with his arms wrapped around Louis’s waist. He shrieks when Harry tickles his stomach and then giggles. He shoves Harry away. “Alright then. Get on with it. M’not here to get tickled. Get a finger in me.”_

 

_Harry chuckles against his jaw before giving him a heated, messy kiss on his lips. “Mouth first,” He whispers into his ear hotly and then goes down to eat him out._

 

_And Louis’s glad that when Harry’s fucking him, he’s on all fours so he can hide his face in the pillows as he cries. A tiny sob leaves his throat with every sweet thing Harry says as he rocks into him. Because he isn’t good, beautiful, or perfect. But for a split second, the words spark inside him and he believes them._

 

_He wants to be good, beautiful, and perfect, wants the spark to stay lit inside of him. He wants to be worthy of Harry, wants to be better._

 

Even though Louis cries again that day and has arbitrary bursts of frustration that make him shake, he’s going to get better.

 

***

 

Louis swallows his pills with a gulp of water and rubs his eyes. He goes downstairs and finds Zayn and his mum sitting on his couch. Zayn had her flown out yesterday when Louis had mentioned the day before that he felt ready to talk. Zayn had left them alone and hid himself away in the kitchen. He could hear some of their conversation, could hear all of their crying, and soon enough he was crying too. Proper sobbing into his tea.

 

Louis drapes himself across Zayn and Jay’s laps. “Take your medicine, Lou?” Zayn asks as he rakes his fingers through Louis’s soft hair. He nods. “Okay, good. I’m gonna leave you with your Mummy today. I have a boyfriend I’ve been neglecting but I’ll be back tonight.”

 

Louis latches onto Zayn as he breathes out, “Boyfriend?”

 

“I’ll tell you about it later. Let go, you maniac,” Zayn says as he wriggles out of his arms. He giggles when Louis finally releases him.

 

Louis sits up and wraps his arms around his mum. It’ll take a while for his eyes not to glass over when he looks at his mum after what he told her last night. He knows the he broke her heart and he knows that she feels at fault for his damage. He hopes they heal together and only grow stronger from it.

 

He pulls out his phone from his sweatpants.

 

**Loueeee:**

**You better tell me about this boyfriend, Malik. I swear to god I will kick you out of the band if you don’t.**

 

**Loueeee:**

**Love you <3**

 

**Bradford Badboi:**

**Love you too.**

 

**Bradford Badboi:**

** **

**xxx**

 

And Louis smiles, the biggest he has in a while. Soon he’s crying and his mum holds him tight, giggles when he explains why. “Don’t laugh at me,” Louis whines as he wipes his tears. “They look so happy.”

 

And maybe he hopes he was just as happy. Harry too.

 

Harry puts his journal down and listens to his chair strain as he leans back in it. He’s across the country and yet Louis still clings to him as if he were right there. God, Harry wishes.

 

In a furious argument, Harry had asked Liam to leave him alone before he fucked off to New York. He said sorry as soon as he landed but Liam’s reply indicated that he was still a little hurt. So Harry is still thinking of something more to make it up to him. But Louis takes up most of his attention and makes everything else secondary. He did that long before their falling out though.

 

He gets out of his chair and steps out of his office, floor creaking beneath him, and makes his way to the kitchen.

 

He can’t walk anywhere in his house without being reminded of Louis. If the circumstances were different, he’d probably smile at the fact that he and Louis have fucked on nearly every surface in his home. (His other houses too. But they covered more in his New York home in less time.)

 

He and Louis fucked on the kitchen island after Louis was being really annoying while Harry was trying to cook. He kept sabotaging their meal until Harry shut off the heat and pinned Louis down on the tiled top. By the end of it, their food had gone cold but Louis was too fucked out too be bothered. Could hardly lift himself off the island because his entire brain had seriously dripped out of his cock.

 

He and Louis were curled on the couch and decided to ruin their lives by watching Bridegroom. Louis wouldn’t stop crying. So he fucked him slowly and then fast and hard on the living room carpet until he had minor rug burn on his shoulder blades.

 

They couldn’t make it to the bedroom fast enough and fucked right against the front door then the staircase. The wooden railing shook as Louis held onto it and Harry took him from behind.

 

Everything has a memory attached to it. Harry feels too many things.

 

Maybe he should just sell the house.

 

He shakes his head before opening his fridge and pulling out a beer. He leans against the cool surface and brings the open bottle between his lips.

 

His stomach is warm when he leaves the house, hair put in a bun and a sharp black coat over a grey t-shirt and jeans. His car is waiting outside, humming with life. He waves at the man in the driver’s seat before opening the door to the backseat and sliding in.

 

The car ride is silent and Harry is rubbing his hands up and down his thighs, itching for his phone to vibrate with a text message making fun of his hair or start playing out marimba because Louis reset it as his ringtone, knowing full well that Harry hates it, and he never changed it. He just wants Louis to talk to him, give him some signal that maybe he’s still a welcomed person in his life, send another fucking frog to add to the eighty six he sent weeks ago. He doesn’t care.

 

Louis has been hidden away ever since the news broke. His presence on social media, which used to be so great, has become radio silence. Harry’s not sure what his team is thinking up to solve or bury the story. But it’s been the topic of the day for the past seven days.

 

He’s dropped off in front of the restaurant and walks up to the entrance.

 

He sits down at the table that seats Ed and Niall, both recovering from a massive laugh. “Sorry I’m late,” Harry says.

 

“That’s okay,” Niall replies, smiling at him.

 

“Y’alright, mate?” Ed asks.

 

This is his first time out with friends since leaving Louis so he’s a little out of it when it comes to conversing. But with more alcohol washing through his system, he’s getting a grip on how to feel like himself again.

 

He’s properly drunk when he, Niall, and Ed step out, being immediately flashed by bright lights. Harry almost falls backwards from being startled. Luckily, Niall is there to keep him vertical. Niall keeps a hand there on his back as the three of them walk down the steps, paparazzi hurrying to get better angles.

 

He can’t make out the words they’re shouting at him but he can hear a single name and it hurts. He knows what they’re asking now. “Harry, Harry Styles, how do you feel about Louis Tomlinson attempting suicide last year? Did you know anything about it?”

 

It would be stupid to burst into tears so he doesn’t, no matter how close he is to it. So he holds back and they get pictures of his glazed eyes until he’s in the backseat of Niall’s car. Then he rolls around as he sobs, his insides feeling like they’re dying again. He misses Louis so much and he doesn’t understand why he didn’t try to make him stay. He doesn’t understand why he wasn’t enough.

 

Ed reaches back from the passenger seat to hold Harry’s hand. Harry does his best not to squeeze too hard.

 

“So how long have you guys been dating?” Louis asks as he and Zayn lay in the hammock, looking up at the stars.

 

“Almost a year.”

 

“Bollocks. Are you serious?”

 

“Yeah,” Zayn says. “It was a while after you… yeah, and he was just there to keep me level headed. I decided to tell him that he was the first person I wanted to have around all the time… in a romantic way.”

 

“Thanks for clarifying, I would’ve kicked your ass, Malik,” Louis chuckles. The hand holding onto Zayn’s shirt tightens a bit. “Was there a reason you kept it hidden from me?”

 

“Not really,” Zayn replies softly as he strokes Louis’s fringe. “We just weren’t ready to tell anyone. And eventually, it became kind of fun keeping it hidden. You don’t know how many times you’ve come over while Liam was in the next room and we’d laugh when you were gone. It was just fun.”

 

Louis snorts, “I probably would’ve done the same.”

 

“… So what about you and Harry? If you’re cool to talk about that.”

 

Louis squirms. “Well… I don’t know. We just started shagging and just kept going back to each other. We kept it hidden because… because it wasn’t a relationship and… it’s kind of trashy having a friend with benefits, okay? And people liked our little feud. And I don’t know,” He starts to choke a little. “I just found myself wanting to keep him around even after we finished. He used to leave before I fell asleep but then he started to leave before I woke up the next morning like he just knew that I wanted him to stay the night. He was always scarily in sync with me without having to tell him anything. And y-yeah, I guess I loved him long before I fucking realized what it was that I was feeling.”

 

“Were you ever planning on telling him?” Zayn asks. Louis shakes his head. “Why not?”

 

“People like me don’t deserve someone like him. I’ll break him again. And he’ll let me.”

 

“It doesn’t have to be that way.”

 

***

 

Louis and his team decide that it’s time to break his silence over what’s happened because it’s clear it’s not going to be buried. They send him an outline to follow so he can touch base on the more important things and make the video in the comfort of his home with only Zayn and a camera.

 

He chose to do a video. He decided a video felt more sincere than sending out tweets. His fans deserve something real after how much stress he likely put them through. So Zayn sets up the camera while he sits on his living room couch in his most comfortable clothing. He takes deep breaths, feeling his anxiety already scribbling along the walls of his stomach.

 

“Feels like we’re about to make a porno,” Zayn jokes because he takes notice of the way Louis is nervously pulling on the hem of his jumper. Louis smiles at him but Zayn can tell how much effort he puts into doing it. He walks over once he presses Record and kisses his forehead. He sits down beside Louis and pats his thigh. “Whenever you’re ready, Lou,” He comforts him.

 

He starts with how sorry he is for keeping quiet about the matter and for completely disappearing, leaving them in the dark far too long. He promises never to do that again. He’s not sure that’s completely true but he needs to mend what he’s ruined in the relationship he has with the fans. So he will spew bullshit if that’s what comforts them.

 

He talks about the cocaine, confirming that he did have an addiction, but tells them that he’s getting better so it isn’t anything to worry about. He briefly goes into the effects that cocaine has on a person and how it fucked him up, definitely becoming a huge factor in why he overdosed.

 

He barely touches on his suicide attempt. He manages to say that he really wasn’t thinking at all when he did it, that he’d never ever want to leave behind that wonderful life and people that he has, before Zayn erupts into tears. “Aw, Zayny, don’t cry,” Louis whimpers as tears start to bubble into his own eyes as Zayn holds onto him, shaking.

 

Zayn rubs away the teardrops caught on his lower lashes and chuckles at himself. “God, it’s so fucking embarrassing that I broke like that,” he says. Louis smiles warmly at him.

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll just take that bit out.”

 

It was predetermined that Zayn and Louis would edit the video themselves because Louis knows better than their team what he wants going out to the public and what he doesn’t. He’s grateful that he has a management that truly does care about his comfort.

 

Once it’s uploaded and he tweets out the link to it, he gets jittery. Zayn decides to pull him away from the computer and his phone and put on a movie instead. But eventually Louis begs Zayn and he runs to get his phone once he gets the OK. He just needs to know how the response is.

 

He settles back beside Zayn and starts to go through Twitter. He starts sobbing because apart from the few “fans” who he’ll never please, everyone else is completely supportive. He then goes on Tumblr and sees the long posts from fans thanking him for being strong enough to recover and how they’re glad he’s okay.

 

Louis wails about how much he loves their fans into Zayn’s chest.

 

**@zaynmalik:**

**Louis is feeling emotional. he’s so grateful for the support xx thank u**

 

**@Louis_Tomlinson:**

**@zaynmalik bros don’t out bros like this , z #ItsCosIGotSnotOnUrShirtIsntIt #AlsoImSatNextToYou**

 

He feels lighter. But there’s a voice reminding him that he hasn’t fixed everything and another one adding that he never will. He tries to shut them out.

 

It’s the first video Harry watches when he lands in LA and he’s impressed that he doesn’t become a complete mess in the backseat of the car. He notices the little things, the waver in Louis’s voice, his profuse blinking, and the subtle tremble of his lower lip and his bones ache with how much he wants to hold him again.

 

He’s lying on his wooden deck, feeling cool air wash over him as he just thinks about a future without Louis. He was always supposed to be a part of it that Harry is just left blankly staring up at the stars. The moment he feels seconds away from screaming at them, he stands up and gets inside.

 

***

 

This is the first event Louis attends after coming clean about his suicide attempt and addiction. It’s times like these when he’s so fucking glad he’s a part of a band and not solo because he really needs Zayn when things become harder to deal with alone. And it’s not just the flashing lights and screaming people making him feel a little distraught, but the fact that Harry could be on that same carpet at that moment.

 

Finally seated at their table, celebrities that they’ve never talked to go out of their way to change that. They’re all incredibly nice to them, and Louis knows that it’s because of his OD becoming public. But he appreciates it.

 

“How are you feeling?” Zayn asks.

 

“Okay,” Louis answers. He hates it, hates that he can just sense Harry. Knows that he’s somewhere, and he’s too afraid to turn his head any way in case his eyes land on him.

 

“Yeah? Well, I’m going to the toilet. Think you can handle yourself?”

 

“Right before the Honor Award, Zayn? Really?”

 

“My bladder doesn’t care for award shows. Can you?”

 

Louis sighs and nods though he’s not sure. Zayn gives him a smile and stands up. He’s left alone.

 

He takes a breath, he’s not going to start freaking out. He stares at his feet as he hears the robotic voice boom throughout the building, “And now for this year’s Honor Award.”

 

The main stage mic is tapped and Zayn’s voice comes on, “We kind of broke the rules for this award, which is _very_  fitting for the person that this is going to.” Louis whips his attention to him. “So the moment I was asked to present this award, I jumped to it because I don’t think there is anyone else more deserving of it, no offense to everyone else nominated for it. But… We’ve only been a band for five years and the fact that we’re already here in that amount of time is incredible and all the credit goes to him. I’ve known him since I was a child and always knew him to be so hard working when it’s something he’s passionate about. Even when he gets knocked down, he’ll build himself back up and come back stronger and absolutely smash it. He’s an inspiration to a lot of people, including me. He’s the greatest lad I’ve ever had the honor of knowing and being in a band with. So tonight, even though he wasn’t publicly nominated, the Honor Award goes to my partner in crime, Louis Tomlinson.”

 

The roar is deafening and the tears he’s fighting back are blinding. He feels hands gripping his shoulders and shaking him as he gets up from his seat and walks to the stage. He sees so many smiles all directed at him. He’s tries not to make a fool out of himself by collapsing from being so overwhelmed.

 

On the stage, he nearly topples Zayn over with the force of his hug. Zayn pulls back to cup Louis’s cheek and nod. Louis takes the award from him and steps up to the mic stand. He opens his mouth to speak but waits until he’s sure he can get through his impromptu speech without becoming a blubbering mess. “Uh, I actually have no clue what to say,” Louis admits as he stares at the shiny award in his hand. “I guess, first I’d like to apologize to everyone who was nominated. You all have probably worked just as hard as I did over a longer period of time, and I am so sorry,” He chuckles. “We’re all thinking the same thing. It’s likely that I got this award because… well, you all know what was in the news about me.

 

“Anyway. Um, I’d like to thank the fans. The reason I kept what I’d done a secret was because I was afraid that’d be end of my relationship with them, the end of my career. And it was quite shocking to me… that it wasn’t, that somehow they only got stronger for me. They make it all so worth it. So because of that, I promise to work even harder for them… and for me, so one day, I’ll look at this award and feel like I’ve earned it. Next, I’d like to thank my pal, Zayn, for giving me this award and being there for me since day one. My team has also been so amazing throughout all of this, you take such great care of Zayn and I and I’ll always appreciate it…

 

“The last person… I want to thank, I also want to apologize to,” Louis brings a fist to his mouth, reminding himself to breathe. Breathe. “It’s been a crazy and emotional time for me and I’m sorry. But thank you for being a friend when I really did need you and trying your best to get through to me. Thank you. And thank you for this award.”

 

He starts crying into Zayn’s shoulder the second he gets backstage. He wipes at the tears spilling out of his eyes profusely and tries to bring himself back down before they return to their table.

 

He has his head turning left and right to smile at everyone congratulating him. But when he shakes Ed’s hand, he sees Harry at the table next to them and locks eyes with him. He awkwardly looks away and tries to put a smile on his face. Relief doesn’t come to him when he and Zayn finally slide into their seats.

 

“How are you feeling, Lou?” Zayn asks, gently taking hold of the hand picking at Louis’s knuckle, irritating the skin.

 

“Need to do something, Zayn,” Louis whimpers. “I can’t… can’t continue like this. But, but I’m not brave enough.”

 

“You are,” Zayn nods. “You are brave enough, Louis. You can do it. I know you can. You love him and he loves you. I only had to be with him for five minutes to know that he loved you.”

 

Louis yanks out the pink roses from the centerpiece and shoots up from his table. He spots Harry standing up from his chair, probably ready to leave, and sprints. He’s going to milk this moment of determination and hopefully earn Harry back.

 

Surprise takes over Harry’s face when he sees Louis coming towards him. He can see that apart from his act of bravery, he’s so very scared. When Louis is finally in front of him that Harry can see the tiny freckles that are scattered on his face in various shades and the subtle golden eyeshadow dusted on his eyelids, Harry can’t even think about getting away. Louis will always have him entranced, trapped. He’s defenseless against Louis.

 

“C-can I talk to you?” Louis stammers, already beginning to crumble.

 

“Sure.”

 

“Somewhere… else. Not here.”

 

Louis locks the bathroom door and turns to point his body towards Harry. Harry cracks a smile and points to the bouquet in Louis’s hand. “You took those from the table?” Harry asks. Louis doesn’t reply to this. Instead he walks over as his eyes begin to glimmer again.

 

“It feels so  _fucking_  good to be beside you again,” Louis’s voice cracks as he shuts his eyes, tears escaping his lids. “I made a mistake, Harry. I-I was only seeing the bad of everything that night and I said what I said because I wanted you to leave me, because I deserved to be left by you.” Louis isn’t even sure what’s leaving his mouth, emotions clouding up his brain, but he keeps going. “And I was waiting for it to stop hurting. But it never stopped.

 

“And i-it’s okay if you hate me, I understand,—” Harry shakes his head and pulls Louis in for a hug, “—But I just need to tell you that what I said and did isn’t any indication on how I feel about you or your worth. Because you mean so much to me, Harry. With you gone, there was so much empty space and— and I was just lost in it.”

 

The mewl that escapes his mouth is muffled by Harry’s jacket. Harry’s cheek is rested on top of Louis’s hair as he mumbles, “Don’t hate you. Never could.”

 

“It was the worst time of my life. Felt like I was dying again.”

 

“Don’t say that,” Harry whispers as he gently rocks him side to side.

 

“Have to. Need to tell you everything,” Louis hiccups. “It was hard staying clean even after being put on medication. I wanted a quick line every time I thought about you. But I knew that… that to be worthy of you, I had to stay clean. When-- when Zayn wasn’t home with me, I’d have absolute temper tantrums at myself. Throwing things, screaming into my pillow, rolling on the floor, the whole package.” Louis chuckles wetly. “It’s funny now.”

 

Harry smiles into his hair, shutting his eyes tightly and drinking in this moment after such a long drought. Louis, in his arms again. He never thought he’d have this again. He thinks if he squeezes harder, he’ll never lose it again. But if he squeezes too hard, he’ll crush him.

 

He pulls back to stroke Louis’s face. “Want to go to my hotel and talk there?” Harry asks softly. Louis nods, not quite meeting his eyes.

 

Louis looks at the roses in his hands, feeling his face go a bit warm. “...Yeah, these are for you,” he says as he hands them to Harry. He giggles.

 

Harry shuts the door to his suite and turns around, seeing Louis sitting on the edge of his bed with his eyes on his toes. He sets the bouquet down on the side table before he walks over and takes Louis’s face in his hands, turning his attention up at him. He stares hard into his eyes but Louis sees gentleness in his expression.

 

“I love you,” Harry confesses, face becoming pained. It’s like he’s taken his first breath again and it hurts, hurts so much but he knows he’s alive. “Loved you for so long and there were so many times I was going to tell you.” He lays Louis down and eyes his lips as he begins to list other moments when he was close to confessing, “I almost told you that one time in France but Niall was there, remember that? Almost told you in Dubai. There were so many times. Wanted to tell you every single time I saw you come. Fuck, almost told the entire world when we won Best New Artist.”

 

He brings his lips to Louis’s jaw and feels at peace, tasting his skin with his mouth again. “I-I was scheduled to come out this month,” Harry says. One of Louis’s hands settles against his chest and holds onto his shirt. “But… I pushed it back because I didn’t have you and I knew I’d need you there for strength… And because the first thing I was going to do after coming out was tell you how I felt. I wanted to hold your hand and kiss you in public. Wanted to be able to come and go to your hotel room without having to hide. Wanted everyone to see how lucky I was to have someone so beautiful.”

 

“...Do you still want to?” Louis asks, biting his lip.

 

“Are you fucking serious, Lou? Of course, always,” Harry answers. He kisses Louis’s lips and feels like he’s fallen in love all over again. “Always.”

 

They lay shirtless, Harry’s head against Louis’s beating heart while his hair is played with. “This doesn’t feel real,” Louis whispers. “I’m so fucking happy.”

 

Harry kisses his chest before getting to his knees and straddling Louis. He takes Louis’s hands in his and kisses his knuckles. He hesitates before asking, “Why did you… What made you get into cocaine?”

 

He sees a hint of unease on Louis’s features but he takes a deep breath like he’s trying to figure out the words. “I’ve never told you about my father, have I?” Harry shakes his head, brows furrowing. “So, basically, um, he left me and my mum when I was six. I don’t remember too much of that night but I do remember the screaming and my mum crying. He wasn’t there the next morning or any morning after that actually. But he left a note. My mum put it in the bin and I picked it out. Obviously, I was too young to read at the time so I just kept it hidden away in my room. Eventually I forgot about it. So fast forward a few years. Our house was actually quite shit, heat never worked, walls were probably going to collapse on us, so we moved out. We didn’t move too far so I was still with Zayn while we… planned our future in music. But as I started to organize my things in my new room, I found the note.”

 

He swallows the lump in his throat and stares at Harry’s strong hands. “It was a half assed apology and explanation on why he was leaving. I’ll give you the gist of it. He said that he was leaving us because he never wanted to be a father. He felt that he deserved to continue to chase the dream he had before I was born. He wanted to be a rockstar and live a life of fame. He didn’t want a wife and a child keeping him from that. I could actually recite the whole letter to you verbatim, isn’t that fucked up?” He tears away one of his hands from Harry and wipes a single tear. “And I loved music so much but after reading that, I kept finding myself wondering if my love for it was false, if I was just doing it just to prove something, like I was purposely stealing his dream to get back at him. That I wanted him to see me and see what he threw away or something.

 

“But I continued working at it. We were getting recognized and you know, we got access to things. So Zayn and I tried coke together, just for the experience. At least that’s what we had planned. He didn’t continue after that first time but I did because it felt like it was helping with the feelings inside of me. And it got so bad that I couldn’t do shows without getting high.

 

“When I almost died, it wasn’t… I wasn’t trying to kill myself. But I was trying to kill the sadness. When you do coke, you need to get higher doses as time goes on. And so you take higher doses and it fucks with your brain more, so eventually you need even higher doses. I was getting frustrated that I wasn’t getting my usual high so I took too much and next thing you know, I was puking and feeling like my head was going to explode.”

 

The grip on Louis’s hand tightens. “Fuck,” Harry mumbles to himself, swallowing thickly. He can’t handle imagining a world where Louis existed and then ceased to exist. “Fuck. Fuck.” Unsurprisingly, tears begin to spill from his eyes. He leans down and kisses Louis hard.

 

Before they fall asleep, Louis explains how the story got out. The outsider who figured out Louis’s hospital alias was Ben Winston. They paid him to keep quiet and he did. It was another journalist that figured it out and didn’t.

 

Louis is about to explain his massive breakdown in depth but Harry stops him. “Tell me tomorrow. You could use rest, babe. It’s been an emotional day,” Harry says as he kisses his forehead and begins to undress him.

 

“It feels so good being here again,” Louis whispers before kissing Harry’s bicep. “Missed the sex but fuck, I couldn’t sleep well without your arms around me.”

 

***

 

They find themselves at another music event a few weeks later. They aren’t sat next to each other so they resort to texting.

 

**Tomlinbum:**

**Nervous?**

 

**Hung-y Styles:**

**Not with you here. x**

 

**Tomlinbum:**

**That’s really gay, Harry.**

 

**Tomlinbum:**

**Love you.**

 

**Hung-y Styles:**

**I love you too.**

 

Musical Beds wins an award and Harry and Liam trot to the stage. Liam quickly gets their thank you’s out of the way before Harry takes the mic and finally feels anxiety settle in his stomach. “Um, thank you for the award. I-I really quickly wanted to give my condolences to the Espinoza family and discuss a few things. Um, the Espinoza family recently lost their daughter, Melanie, to bullying because she was gay. I know this because Melanie was a massive fan of our band and the fans care so much about each other that I saw the messages and hashtags for her…  And I would never let the pressure of society force me to do this but when I found out that she’d taken her life, it became clear to me that living a gay life without being public about it wasn’t enough for our fans but most importantly, it wasn’t enough for _me_ anymore. I saw that there was a chance that coming out would help our fans, and it was a chance I wanted to take, even if it only helped one person. Just in case there’s any confusion, I am gay. Thank you.”

 

There’s a silence in the building, like everyone had just finished gasping, before a vehement cheer rattles Harry’s brain.

 

**@Louis_Tomlinson:**

**#pride**

 

“I’m going to hold your hand in public one day, Tomlinson. How do you feel about that?” Harry asks as he cages Louis against their hotel wall with his arms at both of his sides, talking like he’s trying to start a fight. “Might even kiss you a little bit.”

 

“And I’m going to kiss back. How does that make _you_ feel?”

 

“Makes me feel in love. So fucking in love,” Harry replies before bringing their lips together.

 

Harry takes a photo of their discarded shirts hanging off the back of their hotel’s cushion chair, making sure there’s no way to mistake the patterns as anything but the patterns they were wearing that night, and posts it to Instagram. “Finished?” Louis asks from where he’s laid naked under the bed sheets. Harry turns and smiles at him. “Come get into bed, love.”

 

***

 

Louis listens to the opening band’s music humming through the walls, all the way to his dressing room. He taps the microphone’s foam windscreen against his lips as the interviewer continues with the questions. “I actually have been listening to your new album on repeat since it came out. It’s really good,” she says. Louis smiles, crinkles forming by his eyes.

 

“Thanks, love. Appreciate it.”

 

“How would you explain the album to those who haven’t listened to it yet?”

 

Louis pouts as he thinks about it. “Well, this album was written over quite a few years so a lot was happening. But… Life and love would be a really simple way to describe it. That’s what the songs are about, ya know. Learning and growing,” he smiles before he says it, “And finding a love… that makes settling down seem less scarier when you were younger. The album is just a giant mix of all those themes.”

 

The interviewer is just about to ask something else when Louis hears a happy squeal and the pit pat of footsteps coming to him. He grins brightly as he puts the mic down on the couch to pick up his baby as she waddles over to him. He sets her on his lap as he picks the microphone back up. “Annie has just joined us. How do you feel about the album, babe?” He asks before bringing the mic to her face.

 

Her eyes go wide as she looks at Louis. She squeaks before squeezing the microphone with her tiny hand. He smiles before turning back to the interviewer, who watches them happily. “How old is she now?” She asks.

 

“She turned 1 a few weeks ago actually.”

 

“An- There you are!” Harry says as he peeks into the room. “Scared Daddy half to death.”

 

“She just wanted to give her opinion on the album,” Louis replies, looking up at him. Harry smiles with his brows still furrowed as he shakes his head.

 

"She's a menace just like her papa." He turns to the interviewer, “Oh, hi. I’m Harry.” He shakes her hand very quickly. “And this was Annie.”

 

Louis lifts her up until Harry has a hold on her. “I’ll see you in a bit,” He says before Harry kisses his lips softly. “Love you.”

 

“Love you more,” Harry smirks before walking away.

 

“You have a very beautiful family,” The interviewer says, reminding Louis that he’s supposed to be doing an interview. He lights up at her compliment.

 

When Zayn and Louis leave the stage after their show, Louis is met with his husband and his baby just like every night. Harry is squatting down in front of Annie, pretending to eat her hand and smiling when she squawks. He sees Louis and pulls Annie to his chest before standing up and walking over to him.

 

Louis has seen this exact image many times but he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to it. His heart will never be calm when he sees Harry holding their baby and wearing the golden band that matches his own.

 

Louis never thought that he’d have a happiness on this scale without coke. But with Harry by his side, it became easier. And when they brought Annie home, he never saw himself going back to it ever again.

 

“What’d you think of the show, baby?” He asks Annie. She waves her hands and squawks again. Louis smiles and kisses her forehead.

 

“She’s just saying that. She told me you could use some brushing up on a few of your songs,” Harry jokes, receiving a pinch at his side. “You did amazing, as always.”

 

They kiss and giggle when they hear Annie making spit bubbles.

 

Louis looks over as Zayn and Liam come their way, hand in hand and huge smiles on their faces. “What’s up? You two are looking like you just planned the honeymoon,” Louis quips and they both blush.

 

“Close,” Zayn replies before showing Louis the ring on his finger. Louis is so glad that Harry is holding Annie because he probably would’ve dropped her right now. Louis hugs him tight.

 

“We were thinking we should go out to celebrate and stuff,” Liam speaks up. He nears Annie and smiles, “Annie’s invited too.”

 

“Yes. We should definitely do that. But Zayn and I are sweaty and need to change,” Louis says. “So we’ll meet all of you in the car.” They both kiss their respective partners and leave to their dressing rooms.

 

While Louis’s putting on a fresh shirt, there’s a knock at his door. “Come in!” He calls out before Zayn steps into his room. “Hi, Zaynie. Coming to gush about your engagement some more?”

 

He smiles and shrugs before walking over to Louis and hugging him tight. “I love you, Louis,” He says softly, surprising Louis though they’ve never been quiet about their love. “If it weren’t for this band, for you, I wouldn’t have met Liam and found the first person who really cared about me. So thank you. I never saw myself getting engaged.”

 

“You’re welcome, Zayn,” He swallows the lump in his throat. “And thank you too. If you didn’t find me that day… I wouldn’t have any of the things I do now. Harry, Annie, all of it. Thank you. I love you, bro.”

 

Zayn kisses Louis’s cheek with a loud smack of his lips to get some comic relief. “Okay, let’s get out of here. Your baby and husband are waiting,” he says.

 

“And your baby and husband is waiting,” Louis adds, making Zayn chuckle. “God… I still can’t believe I have a baby.”

 

They talk all the way to the car waiting outside. When the door opens to Harry sat next to Annie in her car seat, he’s hit with that same rush.

 

He’s made it.


End file.
